Counting down
Today is the first day of spring. I'm counting down the days till IVF. Seven days before I start the hormones. One of the reasons I started this blog was because I noticed I didn't talk much anymore. Since my ectopics last year I slowly but gradually stopped talking to other people but R. I also lost a great part of my creativity. I am much more passive than before and slightly obsessive. Sometimes I start to read other peoples blogs about IF and I can't stop. That's bad for my work as I work from home and there is nobody to check on me. Lucky me, there's nobody to fire me either.
I don't know many people in this side of the planet yet. Most of my friends are at home in Europe and I can only talk to them by email or phone. But I got sick of talking about my sadness. And I didn't want to bore anyone with it. So I stopped calling and mailing. And when I am feeling good I don't want to call them either because they will ask about it. That's really sweet, but especially when I feel good I don't want to talk about my infertility.
So I started a blog. I won't bore anyone here cause hardly anyone reads it, and the people that do are probably in a similar situation. And obsessed like me. Now I just need to find the discipline and creativity to write in it. Maybe it will be easier once the cycle has started. This waiting does my head in...
I have a stepdog. It's a mini maltese terrier and she is very pregnant. Her belly is huge and she has still three weeks to go! I don't think the 'real mothers' of the dog will let her have her pups here, but it would be nice to distract me. At first the thought that she was pregnant was quite painful, but taking care of this little pregnant soul is doing something positive to my pain. I don't want to become bitter, whatever happens to me and she is helping me with that.
posted by heleen + rod @ 7:41 AM
3 Comments:
I can totally relate to wanting to avoid everyone (especially the Fertile friends) out of sadness. Then, when I bounce back and am ready to be social, I find myself avoiding them so I don't have to talk about it and be thrown back into my funk.
I am now SO happy that I really haven't shared my IF trouble with many people. I can count on my hand and that is hard enough to deal with.
I can also relate to having a pet (even a pregnant one) that helps you cope. You can read about mine at: http://dreamingminds.blogspot.com/2005/07/one-eyed-cat.html
Seven days until you start... yipee! let's hope it goes quickly.
You were the first one I wanted to add to my blogroll! Thanks for you help!
best of luck
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