one way or another

Good Omen :: Bad Omen

This morning... again..: NOTHING. Isn't that completely weird!? R told me this morning not to have that twinkle in my eye. He knows how high I can go and how deep I can fall. No expectations please, mrs D! But he is gone to work now so I can be as expectant as I like :-) Do all the funny stuff girls do when they're in the don't-know-yet stage, like looking at their tits in the mirror and trying to compare with what they saw just ten minutes ago....

Omen: Last night I received an invite for a bbq from an old collegue. I haven't heard from her since my last ectopic. Both first and second time pregnant (with ectopics) I went to (extremely boring) bbqs at her place just before I found out. Good omen if this means I am pregnant. Bad omen if it means I have another ectopic. That would mean my lovely gyn will take both my tubes out straight away. This month was their final chance to do their job properly anyway.

The lucky number in this case is 3. This could/would/should be my 3d pregnancy. I *always* get pregnant in the 3d cycle of trying. In the 3d cycle after R & I met (oops), in the 3d cycle after we were allowed trying again after the ectopic. And this cycle was the 3d after my second ectopic.

This month I haven't temped, I haven't used OPT's, so officially I don't really know what day I'm at. On Tuesday two and a half weeks ago I definitely felt my ovulation. I remember exercising my horse on a long reign and all of a sudden I felt PANGG!! on my right side. It lasted for some minutes. It made me a bit dizzy. I thought: Good! it's a right-side-month! I can expect more from my right than from my left side. On the left my ovary and tube were all entangled in adhesions, and the whole lot was pretty damaged. At the right at least my right overy was completely normal.

I make myself a very nice coffee. If I am pregnant I'll give it up so I'll extra enjoy this one.

And... You're right. Two days late is so much nicer than two days early. I am completely uncapable of doing anything useful, but am enjoying it a lot. I have a pregnancy test upstairs. I don't want to do it just yet, not to spoil the moment. It's almost like a pack of cigarets. It's itching in my brain.

Look here for some nice pictures of reproductive stuff under the microscope »

posted by heleen + rod @ 8:24 AM