Nuchal fold
We had the nuchal fold scan yesterday at 12.5 weeks. The babes are both 7 cm now and look very comfy in there. We saw little hands and feet, left and right brains, little stomachs and hearts and in between the mini legs of the one on the left something that reminds you of a... So that one might be a boy!
All was fine. The nuchal fold (a little layer of fluid in the skin at the back f the neck) was small, and the nose bone looked fine, reducing our chances for Down to 1200:1 for both of them, which is the same risk as for young women.
It's strange, but because we bought this rundown farm and I am not so nauseaus anymore I don't think about the babies so much anymore as I did (24/7). I'm less aware of them. I'm running around with my weedeater and chainsaw... I want to fix fences and help R build the stables and chop the weeds. And then all of a sudden I get so sleepy I just have to lie down and sleep for two hours.
Then I realise that they are in there. And since the scan yesterday I think about them all the time. Those tiny little hands and feet. So sweet.
Hillbilly
So here I am... in the hills. Almost all boxes are unpacked, the views are lovely, the wind blows through the trees. I'm a bit sleepy the whole day. The babes want me to take it easy and just hang around, which is fine.
Always hard to understand for new people like me in the southern hemisphere: It's christmas and it's summer. I have all the windows open and the wind blows through (the house smells horrible - I hope it goed away).
Once you are pregnant being pregnant is easy. It just all goes by itself. It's a miracle.
Pregnant bride issue
I'm getting big already. I cannot believe that I already have such a belly with the babes being just 4 cm or so. If I'm already showing this much at 11 weeks, I'm truly worried how I will have enough space for them in .... 5 or maybe even 6 months time.
The idea they won't fit in is a very disturbing idea for me that sometimes keeps me awake. Maybe it's still a little OHSS, cause in the evenings I am much bigger than in the mornings, and also after a very active day my belly gets bigger than on slow days.
I will be huge and enormous!
Sometimes I wish I had a lot of readers so they could give me some tips or ideas. For instance on the
pregnant wedding dress issue. I have no idea how big I'll be in 10 weeks. I'm pretty sure here in NZ there are no shops where you could find one wedding dress for a pregnant bride.
So I thought I'll have something made. For inspiration I'll look on the internet. But I couldn't find anything I liked, except for Heidi Klums dress, but I really don't want to wear black on my wedding! Besides that it will be very very hot in March.
Life is so good
Here in NZ you can have a child completely for free. Your midwife, bloodtests, everything is paid for. Great. But.... When I asked for a specialist in the hospital they said: you don't need a specialist, you need a midwife. And then I got a midwife and she didn't even have time to talk to me on the phone or even breathe. I decided to go find myself another midwife.
So I did, but it wasn't easy to find a midwife that wants to come 'all the way' to our farm (15km outside the civilised world, on a dirt road). I finally found one. She sounded very rural and has two whole rocking years of experience and done one twin birth up till now. But she's been around!, she added...
I'm basically looking for a person to make me feel safe. So I decided to get a private obstetrician. Amazing: for only NZ$2200 (US$1570) I get an obstetrician, a midwife, antenatal care, a delivery, a ceasarian, visits at home, anything that's needed. Times two. Except scans. Super!
I had an intake interview in the OB's clinic yesterday. Filled in lots of forms. It became all of a sudden so real for me. I'm getting a little pregnant belly too. I'm not sick anymore, just a bit sleepy. I think the placentas have taken over the hormone supply. My whole system starts to relax. This must ne almost the start of the second trimester. Amazing how time flies!
I hope Ovagirl will feel all these things soon too. And all you girls out there, it is really worth while. I know what you are going through hurts like hell. I would feel really frustrated reading what I write now three, four months ago. But I also hope that my story gives you a bit of hope. It is possible! IVF does work! Don't give up! I think about you lots.
Overall I feel completely blessed. Two years ago I arrived here. With 8 boxes, a dog and a horse. Look at me now: I have a husband, a farm and two babies on the way. Yesterday I walked around the property with a friend. We simply couldn't stop laughing, cause it is so ridiculously big! I think we have to buy a serious amount of animals, just to keep the grass down!
More spots
Yesterday afternoon it got quite bad. And I had such a heavy feeling in my legs and belly. And little needle twinges on the left of my uterus. I felt so very premenstrual. I got scared. Really really scared. I still don't have a midwife or new specialist. I had an appointment with one, but she has done ONE twin pregnancy before, so I'm going to cancel her again...
At 6pm I rang the fertility clinic in tears. My nurse was very sweet and asked me what she could do to make me feel better. She booked me in for a scan this morning. She said that I shouldn't worry too much and take it easy.
When R came home I was all in tears. He panicked with me for a minute or two and then calmed me down. The spotting stopped in the evening and I felt a bit better this morning.
R came to the clinic for the scan today. All is fine. No sign of bleeding. I might come from the cervix. They are 3.9 and 3.3 cm now. It was so good to see them! I was so relieved that I had tears in my eyes again. I'm very sentimenti these days. My whole world could collapse, as long as I can keep my little babies...
Pink Spot
It is incredibly scary. It is paralyzing freeking scary. I had a pink spot on my toilet paper last night. I googled it up: "pink spotting ten weeks", then I read thousands of stories of women that had the same questions: Is something going wrong? But no answers.
Somewhere I read that at 10 weeks the placentas are starting to form, and that can cause some spotting. For now I calm myself down with this thought. And I'll go find myself a midwife. I strongly feel the need for another scan, just to know what's going on.
9 weeks 5 days
All is well in my belly, well I think. A bit nausea that made me throw up once till now. I had acupuncture for it, that seems to help a little but not 100%.
We've been in such total stress about the house that I couldn't think of much else. We had signed for the farm, thinking that we almost sold our house except for some small bureaucratic issues. Those issues turned out to be huge issues for the buyer. Oops. It took us for ever to sort it all out, 'helped' by the real estate guy from hell and the buyer's stupid lawyer bitch, also from hell.
Last night we finally got the OK. She is buying! That means finally our house is sold and we can move. I had an hour of total relief and then a wave of new anxieties came over me. We are moving from a gorgeous and comfortable house to a crap place that will need a lot of TLC... It has a lot of potential but it needs so much work. And how will I cope in the fucking middle of nowhere with two babies? How will I be able to earn enough money?
It all seemed an exciting dream when I was still able to lift heavy stuff and run around all day. I felt the same when I planned to immigrate: A big adventure; I am working on making my dreams come true. I can do that!
Now I feel that I am not so in control anymore and I feel very vulnerable. Up till now I could always count on myself, and I didn't have a lot of responsibilities except for me, my hore and my dog. Soon I will be responsible for two babies. And I feel responsible for R as well who is also giving up his safety to go on this crazy adventure with me.
I will have to learn to ask for help. That will be a new experience. Scary thing is that I don't know many people yet, and now we are moving again to a place where I don't know anyone.
Maybe the pregnancy hormones also make me feel this way.
Good thing of it all is that R and I have been under so much stress last half year, with the IVF and now with the house crisis, and we hardly ever fight. We just make things more bearable for each other and the feeling how much we love each other is always present, even after not sleeping for days and even when all other things seem to go wrong. That feels good. Very good. Ok, lets start packing!
