one way or another

Feeding the twins

Ova girl made me laugh with her story about her stay in hospital. Nice to read that now breastfeeding is going well.

I could relate to her experience in hospital with the women that were there to help me to get the breastfeeding going. Me and my husband called them the breastfeeding nazis or laleche witches. Maybe they've breastfed themselves for 15 years and have a thick layer of callas on their nipples and breasts they can throw over their shoulders to feed the bubba sitting on their backs... But me, I went from size A to D. You can imagine that that alone hurts without anyone headbutting, sucking, pulling or squeezing your tits.

After the birth I was so engorged my breasts felt like wood, with a nipple that was so sensitive I couldn't even wear clothes. Then the breastfeeding team came in with the three of them, hanging over me with their bad breath and start to pull the nipple two centimeters out (but there is no stretch left!). Ouch!

Still after 10 weeks, I have moments that my breasts are so full that when I lie on my back breathing it hurts! It's great that I can exclusively breastfeed my twins. In ten weeks they have dubbled in weight. I think I would have enough for three! I have a pump but I don't use it because in the night I still wake up in puddles of milk. At the moment now that the babies sleep longer periods I'm trying to ease the flow a bit. I never really had big boobs. One friend even suggested when I was pregnant that I wouldn't be able to feed my babies because of my small size. It's nice to prove her wrong!

Here in NZ you have to breastfeed. There seems to be no alternative. The women that run antenatal classes are by contract not even allowed to talk about bottle feeding. In hospital there is not one bottle to be seen. They say that only 1% of all women is not capable of breastfeeding. And I do admit, this approach works. You think that you can do it. Although the first few weeks you are worried that you don't have enough. I hear that from so many women!

In the breastfeeding propaganda they say that breastfeeding does not hurt. Well, sorry, that is unfortunately not true. The first weeks I breastfed about 16 times per day. No matter how well your baby is latched on surely that will cause pain and cracks. Your nipples are just not used to it. Besides that newborns don't latch on just like that. It takes a little time. Still now, after almost three months they have days that they slide on and of all the time or just mess around, pulling my nipples and releasing with force as in a sadistic little game. They always seem to do that when something is bothering them like when they are windy, crampy or spilly.

Lola got thrush in her mouth so I got it on my nipples. You can't see it but it causes a painfull stabbing sensation in your breasts and a sharp scratchy feeling on the inside of the nipple when the milk comes down. Nasty. But under control now.

In hospital the experts promoted 'tandemfeeding' as the way to go. But as soon as I got home I fed the babes one on one untill they were at least able to latch on properly. Tandemfeeding can be messy and frustrating at first and the first weeks you really need a hand (to latch number two on). But after a while (a month or so) we all three got used to it. It does save you time. And it's nicer for the babies to be able to relax after a feed and fall asleep on your breast without being put down because it's the other's turn now.

You have to experiment a little. I tried the 'rugbyhold' but we all hated it. The babies didn't like to be held by their heads and be flat on their backs. They were falling of the pillows at the back and my nipples didn't like to be pulled to the side like that.

How we do it: Before I start I put both babies in the corners on the couch on to pillows, I sit down in the middle, latch on the baby on the left first, then drag babe number two to me with my right arm. Their legs go in between my legs and both babies are sitting upright. And now I can also do it just sitting on the floor. It just gets a bit heavy on the arms after a while.

To be able to succesfully tandemfeed with tiny little newborns I think swaddeling is handy. You can drag the babies to you by the swaddle with one arm without having to support their floppy heads.... I quickly found out that babies are much more robust than I thought.

Breastfeeding can be a bit of a challenge, but it's no neurosurgery. And in the end it's good for the kids and me. It's a sweet contact with the babes especially in the time when they were not responding much to anything else. I'll try to keep it up till the end of the year. The things I don't like: The dripping. Being hungry and thirsty all the time. And the 'nappy-brain'. I'm so vague in my head I sometimes even feel I'm a danger on the road.

But what I hate most is that I am not able to eat nice food. The babies responded with upset tummies to a lot of foods. I only eat very bland stuff like fish, chicken, carrots and patatoes. A piece of pizza last weekend caused 24 hours of cramping, crying and green nappies.... So no garlic, onions, beans, coffee, chocolate, apples, tomatoes, cabbage, brocolli, banana, grapes, curry, spices for me :-( And O, no dairy either. Has anyone some suggestions what to eat tonight????

posted by heleen + rod @ 1:58 PM 7 comments

Early days

10 weeks later....

Wow, motherhood has been a wonderful and intense journey so far. Sorry for not writing my blog... It's a bit of a shame not to write as I'd like to keep all the memories. But time goes by so fast, it's hard to capture all these moments and emotions. And having twins is so busy! I hope to catch up with the story when I have a little break from, you know, feeding, changing, shushing, cuddeling, comforting, feeding, staring, smiling, feeding, and changing and did I mention feeding?

The C-section.
The 14th of June I had the elective ceasar. Me and R felt excited and a bit anxious. While I was being prepped R went down to the car to get the camera and then the fire alarm in the hospital went. He had to wait outside until the all clear, but he was back in time to be there to hold my hand, and I really needed that! My other hand was held by a lovely nurse that told me what was going on.

The epidural was the most scary part. The sensation of cold and warm and tingeling and little shocks throughout my whole body I remember as very unpleasant. What made me feel good was that all the nurses and surgeon and the anaestetist made a very professional and friendly impression. I said you have to be a fairly trusting to be fully conscious while being cut open. R distracted me from what was happening. I felt so close to him that I hardly noticed all the other people in the theater and what was going on. Before I expected anything number one was already dragged out by his feet: Charlie!

What an incredible sensation! My pink screaming baby was lifted over the screen so I could see him. An intense feeling like lightning. He was so much bigger than I'd imagined! He was taken down so quickly that our digital camera didn't get it, but we had a second chancewith 'twin B', Lola. I didn't feel any pain but the pulling and the feeling of someone digging around in my insides was very uncomfortable. I hated it. Lola was quite high up in my body so I felt strong and deep tugging and pulling and shoving around in my insides. There she was, also dark pink and screaming. I'm so happy with that photo. I still can't get enough looking at it. Look at the nurse in the background. By the smile on her face you see that all is going great. 'This is as good as it gets', my OB said later.



Throughout the whole procedure I knew all was going well. More digging around for placenta's and my fallopian tubes (no more ectopics for me thanks). From the corner of my eyes I could see my babies being weighed and checked out. And then when I was all closed up I could finally hold them. They were so nice and warm, with a lovely smell. We fell in love so deep instantly.

In recovery the La Leche crew came in. The most painful bit of being in hospital were the middleaged witches pulling my nipples and squeezing my breasts. Whatever they did it must have worked because we managed to get the babies on the breast and drinking but all in all it was fairly unpleasant. I felt crowded (were there three of them hanging over me?) and I was pretty drugged up so not really in a state to tell them to back of a bit.

I just had to hold my babies. In a cot they started to cry instantly and I couldn't get out of bed to get them so they stayed with me in bed. I didn't have ideas about it before but 'co-sleeping' was definitely the way to go following my instincts. Despite the morphine and pethadine I felt very strong about the babies, a bit like a tiger.



The room in the hospital was very warm. And my breasts were so sensitive I couldn't wear any clothes over them. So I've been sitting in bed topless for the entire stay. The room had no view, and outside it was dark and rained non-stop. And the flipping bed was so small and had no sides! No wonder some nurses were hinting about the dangers of co-sleeping. You're in bed with two babies, six pillows and all drugged up!

The nurses were telling me to take my painrelief, press the button to get more drugs through the epidural, take more morphine and panadol. But I didn't feel much pain. I just wanted to be clear in my head and be with my babies. The nurses didn't agree but I just had a few panadols.

The hospital likes you to stay until 'breastfeeding is established'. I am quite realistic, and we were doing pretty well, but if you really want to establish breatfeeding (for the first time) you should stay in the hospital for at least two months. There was no medical reason for me to stay. And I missed home, I missed R at night, I missed the dogs, the view and fresh air so after three days I walked out of the hospital with my big treasures in their little carseats. Great to be out and see the sky and the green hills and coming home.

posted by heleen + rod @ 1:37 PM 5 comments