The Not Knowing
What did I write yesterday? That I was doing ok? Well, I must have felt it coming: the Big Hormonal Meltdown. I feel so awful today! Tired, wobbly feeling in my legs, restless, and completely insecure about IVF.I wanted to find out a bit more about the E2 levels and I browsed and browsed on the internet and I find nothing that gives me some good info. Just horror stories about OHSS and conflicting figures and details. On top of that different countries measure E2 in different ways, so I still know absolutely nothing after hours of searching while I should be working my ass of. The Big Not Knowing is really getting to me.
So if the nurses are right and I am not in danger for OHSS than it must be that my dozens of follicles are not maturing yet. Gosh I really don't feel like going on for much longer. I so hope I have the retreival on Monday. When I walk around I want to hold my belly as I feel my ovaries wobbeling up and down. I'm not too badly bloated although my body doesn't have a very feminine shape anymore.
R is not nice to me. When I feel like this I just can't figure out if I'm imagining that or that he is really a grumpy bastard. He doesn't talk much but when the phone rings he is all chatty and nice and laughing. I hate that when I'm like this. I want him to be totally nice to me, or else I'll try to make a fight and then cry my brain out after. You recognise this feeling? It all feels absolutely shitty today.
To complete the insecurities: our offer on the farm has been accepted but we haven't found one single buyer for our house yet. So we don't even know where we will be living. I can't work; no concentration, I'm all over the place. R and me both worry about money.
posted by heleen + rod @ 10:42 AM
1 Comments:
Heleen I'm sorry this is such a challenging time. Keep reminding yourself - it's the drugs it's the drugs! And do ask R for what you need - he's got to have a clue how hard this is.
Re the E2 there are only 2 ways I think to measure this. The UK (and possibly antipodean) measures are 3.67 times higher than the US numbers. It's the difference between pg/mol and pmol/litre. SO you are well within normal ranges if you divide by 3.67 - just go to the hormone page I have linked from my blog (bottom right hand corner) and you'll see.
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