For Thalia
I've been wondering before how you managed to be a full on professional and be this active in the blogsphere. You write long entries, collect and maintain all your links. You keep up to date, support and respond a lot of other bloggrls. You're truly amazing!But it's good you wrote your confession the other day. Yes, ofcourse you are obsessing. The obsession is the part of the infertility that makes it so bloody painful. I've had lots of days of just obsessive browsing... (I use your link list to satisfy these obsessional days). I work from home, so there is no one to tell me to stop...
I recognise what you're saying. That you need a community of people that understand your biggest sorrow. And those people simply cannot be your collegues or clients. You don't meet women that go through this by accident at work or in the supermarket or the gym. What makes internet so great is that it's so much easier to meet like minded people than in real life.
Before I discovered the blogs on infertility I felt very isolated in my pain. I didn't know any one with ectopics or infertility or going through ivf. Just reading the stories in archives of blogs (ofcoure starting with Julie and Tertia) helped me a lot. After starting to write my own blog it helped me to know that there were some women out there thinking of me, like you and Mona. And I think about you too. I don't know if it helps, but I truly do.
If everything works out with my pregnancy my infertility lasted for exactly one year. This has been the most challenging and painful year in my life. All in all I haven't achieved much (anything) this year. So be it. If everything goes well I don't expect I will make brilliant work coming years either. It's just impossible to want everything.
I don't think you should give up the support you get from the internet. Maybe it works to set a limited time for blogging to get the obsession part a bit more under control. (Just in the evenings, or just two hours per day or so). Or make a selection of the girls you actively follow and support.
And... don't blame it all on the blog obsession. Just being on the hormones and the stress of the treatment are majorly distracting anyway. Don't expect to give a nice presentation in the days after your egg collection... And please don't plan anything important in the 2ww. I underestimated that a lot. Even needing to go to the hospital was a welcome distraction!!
The way I experience it is that communication through the internet can be very real. But it might be fun to meet some real women out there as well. I just picked up a flyer at my fertility clinic the other day for a coffee meeting. I might go there anyway.
I hope everything goes ok with your stimulation and your E levels!
heleen
posted by heleen + rod @ 5:21 PM
2 Comments:
That's so sweet Heleen.
It is so comforting to know that we're not alone. And typing instead of talking is such rewarding, silent therapy. Some of us are better bloggers than others, but the thread that binds us is exactly the same. It's not hard to reach out & touch another woman's life, right when she needs you, and in this infertility game, we need each other alot.
Heleen, thanks so much for this. It's very kind of you to write me a whole entry! You're right, I couldn't do without this right now. And having had a busy couple of days at work, I've realised that I will do my job well whatever, it's just that I'll use any spare time I can create to participate in that community. Which means supporting women I care about as well as writing my own blog.
In any case, thanks for your support.
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