one way or another

The Top Twins

R couldn't come with me today, he had loads of other things to do, like signing the contract for our (maybe) new house and he had loads of clients. My friend M came with me to the clinic. She has very short hair and everybody always think she's lesbian. I could see on the faces of the doctors and nurses some question marks, we thought that was very funny.

You know, blokes are great and sweet and you love them to bits, but girls can be so good to have around. M and me were giggeling through out the whole process and the nurses and the gyn, everybody joined the joking and laughing. (About me talking about wodka during my egg collection?!)

The serious part: one 12 cell, one 8 cell goodlooking embryos. The other ones a bit less developed or more fragmented. The embryologist will give them till Saturday, then she'll decide if there are any good enough for freezing. She explained to me that this is a very normal average outcome and that less than 50% percent of all cycles have embryos left over good enough to freeze.

For a short moment I was a bit dissapointed. Then I was just happy with my two. We had a short talk about putting one or two back. If I think I could cope with twins. What I don't like about it is being a medical case during the pregnancy and birth so you can't have a home birth, something I really would like. But just thinking about that seems going much too far too quickly...

Chances are better with two. So I got two. They looked lovely. 2 little balls consisting of more little balls.

Putting them back was a breeze. I could see the lining of the uturus on the screen. A little tube was pushed in and as deep and far as possible the embyos were released. I could see the comparison with the 'jam sandwich', there is no hollow space in the womb at all! Just two layers and my little balls of cells must be nice and snug in between them right at the far end.

Good to know, but still I was hesitant to get up. The idea of moving around and going to the toilet felt a bit dangerous. I think I wanted to lie there for 9 months. Having all those people around me to be responsible for my embryos, make it all work out and cheer me on 24/7... But no, now the embryos themselves, nature, fate, god and my body have to do the rest to make it work.

Everybody wished me luck. No horseriding, swimming or sweating... All of a sudden I was outside again. The whole thing was over before I knew it. On our way back I felt high. I could hardly hear what M was saying. Completely overwhelmed by the whole situation.

We went for lunch and a walk with the dogs. I have to get on with life now. I'll try not to think about it all the time. Yeah right.

posted by heleen + rod @ 1:16 PM