Enlightenment
I have to sit with it. I have to surrender to it. Every resistence makes it worse. Like being caught in a net under water. The more I struggle the more entangled I get. Choking. Drowning.I used to trust my body. I loved the feeling of becoming pregnant, not just once but twice. To become pregnant the second time we believed it would work and we made it happen. The feeling of ectopic pregnancies not going anywhere has been devastating. Resulting in me not trusting my body anymore. Not believing that there is a chance in hell that this will work.
In the morning I look at the wheat grass I've sown. Sprouting, hatching, growing. Just needing some sun and water and soil. Simple! Wishing in my body it was as simple as that. Maybe it is. Will I ever get used to the feeling of being this powerless, this out of control?
If I could choose between becoming enlightened or becoming a mother I would still choose to become a mother. I don't know why my path is to practice so much patience.
posted by heleen + rod @ 10:04 AM
1 Comments:
As you know from my blog, I don't know why our path has been made so difficult on this issue. I'm not sure there is any rhyme or reason to it. It just is. I'm sorry that it is. Hoping very hard that your two embryos are bedding down in there.
Post a Comment
<< Home