one way or another

First time pregnant (Sep 2004)

Almost a year ago I became pregnant. It wasn't planned but I was very happy with it. My new partner and I knew each other a rocking two-and-a-half months. He was more in shock about it than I but said he would support me, no matter what... I was 36 and being pregnant was more then I hoped for.

The pregnancy test showed I was a little pregnant. (I found julie's blog with Google! - the first blog I read...) So that is actually possible! A faint pink line. I took another test, same result. It was all very surreal. I went to the doctor and had a bloodtest done. HCG came out an impressive 25. The doctor said that there was NO WAY I could feel pregnant with these numbers, but gosh I really did feel absolutely pregnant. The ladies at the doctor's office congratulated me. But as soon I was behind my computer and started to search for hcg levels I found out something wasn't going well.

When I was a week late I started to bleed. I lost something, I thought it was a miscarriage. What else could it be? I looked at it closely, wondered how microscopic an embryo was at three weeks because I didn't see anything that looked like an embryo in there and then flushed it through the toilet.

Expecting everything to go back to normal I slowly but gradually started to feel more and more pregnant. But I was also still bleeding and felt very ill, as if I had glass splinters in my veins. I was crying all day. At some stage I was feeling so depressed and strange that it was as if I was walking through a tunnel.

A new bloodtest at week 6 showed the levels gone up to 256. Going up but not enough. The doctor didn't see a reason to do anything and told me to come back a week later. A nurse in the office suggested that I might have lost one of twins and that that was why I was still pregnant. That really cheered me up for a day or two. Then, admitting that this was a very unlikely diagnosis, I decided to go to another doctor.

She instantly guessed right what was going on, told me to get a scan immediately. There was nothing to be seen in my uterus. And I had pain on my right side. Time to rush to the hospital to get rid of the ectopic. All of a sudden my baby was called 'that lump in the right tube' or 'the results of conception'...

posted by heleen + rod @ 7:04 AM