9 months....
C & L are crawling so fast now! And they are pulling themselves up on the furniture and falling down quite often. Yesterday while I was putting L in the buggy C crawled down the hall so fast I couldn't let go of L to grab him in time so he fell of the step of the front door, flat on his face (and his lovely little teeth). Not high, just 15 cm, and he was ok, but I felt so terrible!
This morning when I was having a shower both babes were standing up on the outside of the door of the shower cabin. It took a while before I could persuade them to go down on their knees again so i could open the door. It was as if they were not letting me out on purpose. Very funny.
The house is baby proofed so they can play everywhere except the office. Absolutely sweet: When you call them they come crawling to you. So you here tap-tap-tap through the hall when you are in the kitchen. C & L are inseperable and like each other lots. C opens his mouth wide and gives L big smoochy kisses on her head. And big smoochy kisses on the cat. And my leg.
I know we've been very lucky so far. Apart from reflux and one night vomiting (L) the babes have never been ill before. So last week it was our turn: We all had a cold. They were very snotty and snoring and didn't want to eat and couldn't sleep. I was thinking about all parents out there with sick children. That must be so tough.
Last weekend the clock has changed and daylight savings is over. The person that invented this messing around with the time should be punished! How do we tell the babies that 5 am is not a good time to get up? And that they have to stay up late? And that it's not time for dinner yet? It's 10.15 and I am so tired.... And in the evenings it's frustrating as well. As soon as the kids are in bed (and I finally have my hands free) it's pitch dark, so no more time for my horses or gardening or anything outside... And that's how it will be for the next half a year...
Loss of direction
They say it takes 9 months to 'de-pregnify', and that just describes what's happening with me. The babes are doing great: teething, crawling, sleeping through the night, eating 3 meals per day and getting less and less interested in breast feeding. All of a sudden I feel the old de-pregnified me is back, but then as a mum of 2. And I wonder where I am going? And I guess the answer will be: absolutely nowhere, for quite a while....
The first stage of the life of the babies have been sort of Tamagotchi style, you know these Japanese toys you had to keep alive by giving them what they needed 24/7. From swaddled human larvae they have developed into real little people that crawl from their bedroom to the kitchen with a big proud smile on their face mumbeling mum-mum-mum as they pass by. Today the vacuum cleaner is the main target of their explorations.
Allthough very happy with being a mum, the old me is struck with an intense sense of lack of direction. The last 5 years my goals have been very well defined and I really knew what I wanted and where I was going: Emigrating, making myself at home here, and when I met R getting married, finding this great place where we live. Discovering and overcoming infertility. Infertility is one of the most horrible experiences that can happen to you but it does give you the luxury of having a clearly defined goal. Also being pregnant has a very clear sense of direction of course. Maybe that's one of the aspects that makes being pregnant into such a satisfying and beautiful experience.
But what about right now? I find myself being a full time mum and a housewife. It's not that I have anything against it, but I don't think it's really me and I'm not good at it. I am kind of messy and I hate cooking. I don't have much work on at the moment (web design) which is a bit of a worry as we can't really survive on just one income. That could change any moment again, but then I am not quite sure how to fit work in with just taking care of the twins and the house, the land and the animals.
I think I need a carreer change. Something that's really easy, takes very little time or talent, you can do from home and earns a shitload of money. Suggestions anyone????
In the mean time I'm enjoying the here and now and try to practice the zen of stay-at-home-motherhood. "Before Enlightenment fold nappies do dishes, after Enlightenment, fold nappies do dishes."
